Numb
by Michele aka AML
Summary: Cordelia tries to comfort Angel in his time of grief after he finds out about Buffy’s death. But the tables are turned when someone else dies.
1. Explanations

**Title:** Numb

**Summary:** Cordelia tries to comfort Angel in his time of grief after he finds out about Buffy's death. But the tables are turned when someone else dies.

**Author's Notes:** Glad to be back and writing again! I know this is a sad story dealing with deaths and pain but I just lost my grandma so I'm not really in a happy-go-lucky mood. I'll try and do a happier story next time. Plus, I think Angel/Cordy seem to have the best chemistry in a drama and pain scenario. Yeah, they're the angst couple of the year, I know! '_Numb_' is the tile of a song off the **Linkin Park** CD '**_Meteora_**'. Great CD, listen to it! 

**Spoilers:** Right after '_There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb_' and most of Season 5 on BtVS 

**Feedback:** Does a body good!

**Disclaimer:** Been there, done that and still nothing's mine. ******************************************************************

If he had a heartbeat it would have stopped at that appointed time. If he had a breath to breathe he would have held it at that précis moment. His whole world came to an utter stop as he watched the red headed woman sit in front of him. No words had to be spoken for in that very moment of silence he knew everything she came to say. He couldn't move…speak…think. He was completely numb. 

"What's going on?" Cordelia looked at Willow sitting on the round sofa in the lobby. She knew something had to be wrong because she wouldn't just show up uninvited. She looked up at Angel then back at Willow. Willow got up and approached Angel looking him in the eyes with pools of compassion.

"I'm so sorry." She reached for his hand and gave it a light squeeze. Angel looked down at the young witch and let a small smile grace his lips as both friends exchanged silent commiserations. He headed upstairs without a word leaving Willow to explain the tragic news to the rest of the group. Willow watched his every move until he was out of sight then turned to the others with a sigh.

"Willow, what's wrong? Is there something happening in Sunnydale?" asked a concerned Wesley. He watched as she made her way back to the sofa and sat down. He knew there must have been something wrong when the most talkative girl he'd ever met had nothing to say. With a sigh Willow slowly began to explain.

"We had a new nasty in Sunnydale. Her name was Glory. She was here in search of her lost key." The gang made their way into the lobby and sat down. Cordelia and Fred on each side of Willow and Wesley and Gunn leaned against the counter. Gunn arched an eyebrow at Willow's recent sentence.

"What'd she do…loose her key to her corvette?" Wesley nudged him in the ribs.

"This is no time for your sarcastic remarks." Willow chuckled and returned to her story.

"No not really. I don't know if you know but Buffy has a sister named Dawn. She just showed up one day and some how we all knew her and apparently had memories of her when she was younger."

"Yeah we all know about her, well except Fred here. She just arrived," pointed Cordelia in Fred's direction. Willow turned to Fred and smiled.

"Hi there, I'm Willow. How was your trip?" She extended her hand to her and Fred lowered her head to play with the hem of her mangled attire leaving her hanging.

"I'd rather not talk about it." Willow's smile faltered as she blinked rapidly a little confused and lowered her hand. Cordelia leaned in to whisper in her ear.

"She just arrived from a hell dimension." Willow made an 'oh' with her mouth and coughed to change the subject.

"Anyways, as I was saying… She just showed up one day and some how we all knew her and apparently had memories of her when she was younger but we didn't know that. It was like mind control or something."

"Why do you talk of her as if you didn't know her." interrupted Wesley.

"I am because we didn't know her and neither do you. Dawn *is* the key. She's not human she's just made up by monks to hide her from Glory. That's where we got the fake memories. The monks made them up so we'd accept her." Gunn pushed himself off the counter and crossed his arms.

"Hold up, so what your saying is that this girl that's suppose to be Buffy's sister is just a fake human ball of energy?"

"Nailed it on the nose." He leaned back against the counter nodding his head with better clarity.

"What is the key?" asked Wesley as he headed to research such a newfound discovery but Willow stopped him.

"Don't bother looking it up because we already know what it is." Wesley turned back his senses perched and ready for new information.

"The key is like Gunn said, a ball of energy. By it being in a human form, when it's blood runs the doors to each dimension open and…"

"All hell breaks loose."

"Exactly Gunn. And the only way by closing it would be by the same blood that opened it."

"But wait, if this affected the whole world which includes L.A., how come I didn't get a vision about it?"

"I don't know Cordy but that's where Buffy comes in. Since the monks made Dawn pretty much out of Buffy, which I have no idea how it was done so don't ask Wesley…" Willow smiled in Wesley's way knowing exactly what was crossing his mind.

"Her blood was Dawn's blood. Glory kidnapped Dawn, we fought her off and then we killed her but not in time because she had opened the portal."

"So how did you close…?" Cordelia clasped her hands over her mouth realization crashing down on her. Willow lowered her head as tears threatened to surface all over again.

"We tried calling for the funeral but no one was here. It was just my luck that I decided to come when you guys got back. We're still trying to recover." Cordelia pulled Willow into a hug as her own tears began to form and eventually fell.

"I'm so sorry. Give my condolences to everyone."

"I will." Willow rose to hug both Wesley and Gunn, them two as well giving their sympathy. Fred just sat there unable to gather the situation at hand. Cordelia looked at the lost girl and turned to Wesley and Gunn.

"Why don't you guys show Fred her room, she might be tired." The three of them headed up stairs and left the two old acquaintances behind. Willow turned to leave having accomplished her mission.

"I should get back. There's a lot to keep up on the Hellmouth now that our slayer's gone." Cordelia tried to lighten up the mood.

"There's always Faith."

"No that's ok. I think we can manage." The two chuckled and hugged once more before Willow exited from the hotel and back to her own city. Cordelia watched her leave and sighed knowing things were going to be a lot different now. She then remembered Angel. ************************************************************************                                         TBC! Hope you liked it. I hope I got all the information right. This what I thought the conversation would have been like if we had seen it. Next chapter's coming soon.

~Michele~  


	2. Comforting, In All The Wrong Ways

**Title:** Numb

**Summary:** Cordelia tries to comfort Angel in his time of grief after he finds out about Buffy's death. But the tables are turned when someone else dies.

**Author's Notes:** Glad to be back and writing again! I know this is a sad story dealing with deaths and pain but I just lost my grandma so I'm not really in a happy-go-lucky mood. I'll try and do a happier story next time. Plus, I think Angel/Cordy seem to have the best chemistry in a drama and pain scenario. Yeah, they're the angst couple of the year, I know! '_Numb_' is the tile of a song off the **Linkin Park** CD '**_Meteora_**'. Great CD, listen to it! 

**Spoilers:** Right after '_There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb_' and most of Season 5 on BtVS 

**Feedback:** Does a body good!

**Disclaimer:** Been there, done that and still nothing's mine. ******************************************************************

Cordelia slowly walked down to Angel's room, the thoughts of what she might find raced through her mind. She knew that his brooding just went into overdrive but her heart ached for him. No one, not even a tortured soul should go through the pain of losing a loved one. Yeah, that's right, he still loved Buffy and she knew that. She was all right with that. Hell, she still had a place for Xander in hers but she moved on and so had Angel. They had moved on together. Now with wounds reopened and memories rekindled, they were back to square one. Cordelia reached the door of his room and lightly knocked on it. She knew he could hear her and waited for his reply. What came her way was hardly the emotion she expected.

"Come in Cordelia." He knew she was there. He could sense her presence and her rapid heart beat as she slid the door to the side. Nothing new there, she thought. He could always sense when she was coming and yet in her years of knowing him for the first time it didn't creep her out. She hesitantly made her way to the chair he was sitting in. No surprise in what direction it was faced, the wall. 

"You know, I'm starting to think that that wall gets more attention from you then I do." Cordelia came up behind the chair and wrapped her arms around Angel's neck placing her chin gently on the top of his hair. To her surprise he brought his hands up and held onto her arms like a safety net, afraid to let go. They stayed like that for what seemed like eternity, safe in each other's company as best friends. Angel was the first to break the silence.

"You know, I actually had a moment of contentment with bringing you back and all. I'd never thought that looking at Willow could make that all go away." Cordelia sighed and kissed the top of his hair.

"I know what you mean. I actually thought that everything was back to normal. I mean, nothing will ever be *normal* normal but…well, you know what I mean." Angel chuckled at her slummy way of clarifying herself. She was the only one he knew that could make his world a little brighter by just saying simple words. Cordelia made her way to sit sideways at his feet and placed her arms across his legs laying her head on her arms. She had forgotten all about the barely there vesture that covered her body. 

Angel looked down at his seer and the beautiful woven jewelry she wore, which made her look even more like a queen. He ran his hands through her silky hair and admired the precious time of having her in his presence, which he had lost so much of no more then months ago. For that one moment in time, just gazing down at Cordelia, he lost all sense of unhappiness and forgot his whole purpose of being in his room in the first place. But it was just for one moment because then everything came flooding back and once again misery took over. Cordelia spoke distracting him from his thoughts.

"Why us?"

"Huh?" Cordelia looked up at him with questioning eyes.

"Why do the bad things always happen to us?"

"They don't always happen to *us*. Bad things happen to everyone." Cordelia laid her head back down on Angel's lap.

"It just seems that we're the only ones in the world who get all the violence and destruction because of the life we live and the things we've done."

"Cordelia, it just seems like that because of the fact that we are us. Right now the Scoobies are going through a lot more then we are but it only seems bad to us because we're not them."

"It's just so unfair. We've done so much and so has Buffy and her little crusaders but yet we're the ones with the death and the gore and the pain and the tears." Cordelia suddenly broke into a fit of sobs as the reality of it all came crashing down on her. Angel rose to his feet bringing her with him and guiding her to his bed where he engulfed her in his arms. Cordelia cried softly into his chest but pulled away realizing that it was she who should be comforting *him*. That's what she came to do, comfort him. She wiped at her tears trying to put on a brave face.

"I'm sorry…I'm so selfish. I came down here to comfort you and that's not what happened."

"It's ok Cordy, you just being here is comforting enough."

"I guess but I'm not the one that lost a loved one. Yeah, Buffy was my friend but my pain can't even compare to what you must be feeling." Angel lowered his head to hide his sadness.

"Yeah, it hurts. I love her so much and now she's gone." Cordelia cupped his face in her hands and brought his face up to meet hers. Then, only did she see the pools of liquid that outlined his dark brown eyes.

"Oh Angel." She gently pulled him into her arms stroking his hair as he, for the first time, sobbed quietly. She had never actually seen him cry before but then again today was the day for firsts. 

Angel poured out his emotions for his best friend to see and silently thanked the powers for sending him such an understanding person to be by his side. He knew that without her to keep him together he wouldn't have made it throughout the night. He felt so numb. 

So numb that he might do something tonight that he might regret later. 

He gently pulled away and looked at Cordelia as he ran a hand down her face. He looked her over, admiring his view of her body then back up into her hypnotizing hazel eyes. He continued his hand down her face and her neck and over shoulder. Cordelia closed her eyes and shivered at his cold touch sending major warning signs to her brain. She knew what they were doing was wrong but she also knew that Angel needed her. Angel reached for her hand and pulled her up to stand in front of him. He fingered the exquisite hand made jewelry that clothed her body and ran his hands along her exposed stomach. She never flinched though she knew her whole body was going to collapse if he didn't stop. She mentally smacked herself for letting him do this to her but there was a tiny voice in the back of her mind telling her it was ok. He would never do anything to hurt her and that little voice had more power over her then she thought.

Angel looked up at Cordelia searching to meet her eyes but never got them. She tried with her every muscle to not look at him and not let him take her over. She loved Angel, yes, but as a brother, as a best friend, as her guardian in the night. She never really thought of him as someone she could love as a companion, as a lover. It had never crossed her mind. She went completely still when she felt him pull her down onto his lap her knees as her anchor on the bed. She became motionless, and he could feel the tension in her muscles. He closed his eyes as he ran his hands up her thighs and let them rest on her hips pulling her down harder onto his lap. 

Cordelia bit her lip to prevent him to hear her moan. As much as she knew how wrong what they were doing was she couldn't pull herself to say something. She too became lost and found it comforting to feel a little more then just the pain in their lives. She took solace in his actions and just let all the tautness release from her body. Angel smiled as he felt her nerves relax and her breathing become more rapid. He held her back as he leaned forward and dug his face into her breast listening to her heart accelerate. She ran her hands through his hair from behind and clawed at his scalp, which made him growl in return. She pressed his head down further and leaned more into his touch letting a slight moan escape her lips.

"Angel." 

Angel pulled back roughly, hearing her moan his name as a signal that he was free to take over. He pressed his lips to hers in a hungry, passionate kiss that left her breathless. He cupped her face and kissed along her chin and jaw line that sent goose bumps up and down her arms. She threw her head back and grinded her hips against him feeling his erection between her legs grow as he thrust forward meeting her grinds with equal amount of force. She soon became so consumed that she no longer had control of her moans and let her arousal take complete control of her mind and body. He too let his inner demon have play as he pushed every warning to the back of his head. He reached for the backing of Cordelia's beaded top and began to unhook it with ease when he felt her pull away violently. She stood a good 10 feet away from him horror and realization written on her face. Angel rose to his feet with concern and guilt in his eyes. It had finally dawned on him what he was doing and cursed himself for letting himself take advantage of her like that. He had no right and knew there was no reason for his actions.

"I'm…I'm so sorry Cordy…I didn't…" Cordelia just stared at him. She panted heavily trying to get back her breath and stop the dizziness in her mind. How could she let him take her for granted like that? She mentally smacked herself for letting her emotions get the better of her and for actually enjoying it in the process. She enjoyed it? Did she actually have feelings for her best friend, her co-worker? 

No, of course not. It was just the heat of the moment.

"I'm sorry too. I knew it was wrong but you needed me and I didn't want to make you feel you had nobody and your in pain so I thought it was ok but it's not…it's not ok." 

"I know you're right…it's not ok. I'm sorry…"Angel moved to touch her but she stepped back. He couldn't touch her, not now.

"I know your sorry but…" Cordelia took a deep breath and sighed.

"I'm sorry for your lost and I hope you will get through it…and I'm sorry…for what just happened." Angel felt like he just got sucker punched in the face. She was sorry for what they did? Of course she was sorry. She didn't see him like that, she saw him only as a brother, her best friend. How could she ever love him like that? But what the question he asked himself was, did he love her more then a friend? Was there more to their *comforting* then he intended?

Angel lowered his head and took sudden interest at the floor beneath him. Cordelia sighed again and made her way to leave. She stopped right before the door and without turning around, spoke so softly he almost didn't hear her.

"You know I'm always hear for you, whenever you need me I'll always come running. But I think right now you need to figure out whether you need me because you're hurting…or because you need a stand-in for something you lost." Cordelia didn't let him answer as she left his room leaving him alone once again to his misery. Angel sighed and took out his frustration in the nearest wall. He knew she right. He just hoped that she would forgive him, again. First it was the epiphany after Darla and now this. He sat down on his bed ignoring the bloody gash on his knuckles. Once again he felt hollow…lost…numb, but now for more then one reason. ************************************************************            TBC! Ok all done with this one. I think there should be one more left, I'm not sure yet. Check for the next chapter soon.

~Michele~ 


	3. Happiness Comes and Goes

**Title:** Numb

**Summary:** Cordelia tries to comfort Angel in his time of grief after he finds out about Buffy's death. But the tables are turned when someone else dies.

**Author's Notes:** I've gotten some reviews stating that people couldn't understand whose talking when I write so I've taken a little longer with this chapter and rearranged it so that hopefully you can understand better. I'm going to start writing this way in future stories so hope it helps. I'm finishing up a new story so look for that soon as well.

**Spoilers:** Right after '_There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb_' and most of Season 5 on BtVS 

**Feedback:** Does a body good!

**Disclaimer:** Been there, done that and still nothing's mine. ******************************************************************

Angel did what he did best…brood. He hadn't moved from his room since the incident that happened between him and Cordelia last night. He didn't know what came over him. He was so lost in his misery and didn't even care about his one chance at over coming all his pain. He wondered how she was doing. If he went to talk to her would she turn away from him or had she forgotten the whole thing? He ran his hands through his hair, which was now soft and no longer spiky. The gel in his hair had lost its hold a long time ago. He was wearing the same clothing from last night and hadn't even bothered to eat. He could feel his weak muscles barring down on him from lack of food. But he didn't care. He was more worried about whether Cordelia would forgive him or not. He didn't care what happened to him because nothing was worth living for except his seer, amazingly not even the death of his fist love.

********************************************************

Wesley looked at his wristwatch as the seconds rolled by and still no sign of Angel. He knew there was something wrong when he saw Cordelia storm out of the hotel last night. He couldn't see her face so he didn't know whether she was sad or mad. All he knew is that it had to do with Angel because that's the room she descended from. 

She had arrived to work and seemed a little better but he could tell she had been crying. Her eyes were blood shot and puffy, which she tried to hide behind make-up. He knew it was time for tears and grief for all but there had been more hearts pained last night and he just hoped that they would soon get to the bottom of it. He watched as Cordelia went about her daily activities. "Cordy?" 

She looked up from her paperwork and looked at Wesley. "Yeah Wes?" 

"Are you feeling ok today?" 

Cordelia looked back down at her papers and resumed what she was doing without looking at him. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why you ask?"

"Well you seem a little…I don't know…not like the usual Cordy."

"Is there a certain Cordy you want me to be today?" 

Wesley walked over to her desk and firmly placed his hand on her paperwork to make her look his way. Nothing. "I don't know…maybe the one that will look at me when I'm talking to her." She looked up at him her eyes firmly narrow and looking very irritated.

"So what, your suddenly taking interest in whether I look at you or not?" She rose from her seat and walked past him to pour herself a cup of coffee. Wesley turned to face her his arms now crossed over his chest.

"No, I'm suddenly noticing that you're not to your optimal self today and I want to know why? What is it that has you so quite and distant and shedding tears when you think no one is looking." Cordelia lowered her head feeling a slight embarrassment knowing that he had seen her when she tried to hide her tears. She sighed and placed her cup on the nearest counter. She walked over to her friend and hugged him, which surprised him. He hugged her tightly and rubbed her back lightly giving some type of comfort. She dug her face in his shoulder and expressed her feelings.

"I can't stand to see Angel the way he is. He's so depressed and his brooding activities have just crawled the scale." Wesley pulled away gently from her embrace and made eye contact with her. "This is what has you all worked up? Cordy, you know Angel better than any of us do and your going to give up on him. If you're so worried about him then why don't you go see him?" Cordelia pulled away from his grasp and averted her eyes. Wesley now knew there was more to it then what she was telling him but he didn't want to know. All he knew was that they had better get it together or he was going to take matter into his own hands. He gently placed a hand on her shoulder. "Cordy, why don't you take Angel something to eat and maybe you two can talk out your problems."

"It's no that easy Wes."

"Well make it that easy. You two have been through a lot more dangers and have survived a lot more battles together and I know that whatever you two are going through that there is no better way then to get through it together." Cordelia raised her head to meet his gaze and saw his every meaning. It was rare to find someone with such wisdom that Wesley possessed in matters that were great and matters that shouldn't even matter. She hugged him once more and thanked him for his words of wisdom. She headed for the kitchen and fixed Angel a cup of blood. If she was correct he hadn't eaten since they had their confrontation last night. She let out a sigh and headed towards his room. Wesley watched her leave and let a small smile grace his lips as he thought of how such a tragedy could bring two champions together.

***********************************************

Angel stirred from his position in his chair. It was the same chair that kept his attention since last night. He sensed someone was coming from the heartbeat he could hear pounding in his ear. He ignored it thinking it was just Wesley finally coming to check on him but when he sensed the heartbeat quicken as it came closer he knew it was someone else, someone who was afraid to come near him. He could smell the fear; the anxiety and it aroused his senses much to his distaste. He sniffed the air and could smell the tantalizing aroma of blood that was coming in his direction. Before he could think twice he heard a light knock on the door.  "Come in." 

Cordelia hesitantly made her way into the room. "Hi."

"Hi."

Cordelia looked down at the blood in her hands. "I made you something to eat. Wesley told me you hadn't eaten since yesterday." She raised her head up slowly afraid to meet his eyes. But when she did all she saw was sadness and guilt. She finally gathered the strength to look him over completely and noticed he was wearing the same clothes since she was last there. He had a five o'clock shadow and his hair was no longer neat and gelled. His eyes no longer had that spark and she knew it was because of Buffy's death but now it was worse then ever. She slowly made her way to him but not getting too close as she handed him his food. Angel looked at her with hesitation and she smiled reassuringly. "Go on…you need to eat something." She handed him the cup. "I'll just go and when you're done…" She turned to leave but Angel quickly grabbed her wrist.

"No…I mean…I want you to stay." Cordelia looked down at his hand on her wrist and then at his pleading eyes. She gave him a weak but warm smile and sat on the bed. He let go of her trying his best to return the smile and began to eat mannerly. She lowered her head and played with an imaginary thread on her pants.

Angel placed his empty cup on the nightstand next to him and took one of Cordelia's nervous hands in his own. She looked up to meet his gaze and saw the paleness in his eyes fade away. He gave her hand a light squeeze. "Thanks…and I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault…I…"

"No…it *was* my fault. I was stupid and miserable and I made a stupid mistake with your vulnerability."

"Hey, I wasn't vulnerable."

"Cordelia…"

"Sorry, go on." Cordelia lowered her head sheepishly and he gently brought her face back up to meet his eyes.

"I know what I did was wrong and you're not a stand-in. You will *never* be a stand-in. You have given me so much and I thank you for that. You have been by side in times like these and I would have never made it if it wasn't for you." He could see tears glistening in her eyes as he spoke. He cupped her face and gently wiped at her cheek with the pad of his thumb as a single tear slid down. "I'm so sorry and I can't stand to know that you're mad or sad at me because you think that because of Buffy's death, you have to be a replacement. It would never come to that and I'm sorry if I made you feel that way." 

Cordelia nodded her head in Angel's hands. "I understand. But, can I say something?" 

Angel lowered his hands from her face and chuckled nervously. "I'm sorry. Go ahead."

"No, no, you're good. I understand totally, but…could you do me a favor?"

"Anything." 

Cordelia pinched her nose. "Could you take a shower?"

"What?" 

Cordelia, still holding her noise, placed her other hand on Angel's knee. "You've been down here for way too long and you could use a good freshener." She gave him her 100-watt smile and surprised him by hugging him tightly. "You mean a lot to me Angel. I remember what I said about 'whenever you need me…' and I meant it." She ran a hand down his hair and placed a kiss on his temple. Angel closed his eyes and basked in the feeling of her embrace by squeezing her tighter. 

After a beat he pulled back and smiled. "I thought you said I stunk?" 

"You sure know how to ruin the moment don't you?" She pushed him playfully and rose to leave as she pointed to his bathroom. "You, to the shower." She sighed. "I'm going to finish up some more work. When you're done come on up." She exited the room to leave Angel to get cleaned up. 

************************************************

Wesley heard Cordelia come up and looked up from his research. "How'd it go?"

"Even Stevens. He ate, he's cleansing and he's on his way up."

"That's good to hear." 

"Yeah we're good. God, if I hear anymore bad news I'm going to have to kill someone." Wesley returned back to his books smiling, happy to have the old Cordelia back. The phone rang and she rushed to answer it. "Angel Investigations, we help the hopeless…Daddy?" Wesley looked up. "I'm good…doing some work here in L.A…you? No surprise there…how's mom and why are you call…what? No…you can't be serious…" Wesley slowly rose from his seat. "When did…? Oh my god…" 

Angel ascended from his room buttoning up his shirt. "Look Cordy, all clean as a…?"

"Shh!" Angel looked over at Wesley then followed his eyes to see what he was staring at. Cordelia held the phone so tight that her knuckles turned white. She spoke barely above a whisper as her voice cracked and she began to tremble with sobs.

"Mommy?" Angel and Wesley watched everything happen in slow motion as Cordelia dropped the phone and collapsed to the floor in tears. Angel rushed to her side instantly and gathered her in his arms rocking her back and forth. She clutched his shirt tightly and cried uncontrollably into his chest mumbling the same thing over and over. "Why, why, why…?" 

Wesley rushed over and picked up the dangling phone. "Hello? Yes, Mr. Chase…she's here but what…? Oh, oh my…I'm so sorry for your loss. Our condolences go out to you and yours from Angel Investigations…" Wesley wrote something down on a piece of paper. "Yes, I will be sure to tell her…Thank you, goodbye." Wesley slowly placed the phone back on its base and looked down at the couple on the floor. Angel looked up at him with questioning eyes and Wesley answered with words Angel wished he could change. "Cordelia…Cordy's mother died this morning in a car accident. Her father said the funeral will be held this weekend at a cemetery. He gave me directions." Cordelia's cries became louder and Angel held her tighter as the tears surfaced in his own eyes. He smoothed out her hair and tried to whisper reassuring words but knew nothing could help. 

After a while Cordelia lifted her head to see both men, Gunn and Fred staring down at her with sympathetic eyes. 

Fred had peeked out from her room concerned from the screaming and saw Cordelia crying on the floor. She rushed to her side and in her own little way gave her sympathy as much as possible. Wesley had called Gunn with the news and he rushed over as soon as possible to give Cordelia his support. He knew what she was going through because he too lost a family member not too long ago. 

Cordelia gave a weak smile and wiped her face silently thanking her friends for their comfort. Angel helped her up from the floor and walked her over to the round settee. Wesley fetched some water for her and they all sat around waiting for Cordelia to say something. 

Finally after a good while she spoke barely above a whisper her voice still cracked from crying. "Thanks guys for your support. I think I'm ok now. It happens and I know that so I have to realize that my mom's gone…" her voice began to crack again but she stayed strong. Angel placed a warm hand on her back. "But she's in my heart. Funny thing is, I never really knew her. After I turned 16 she was never really around anymore and I was either by myself or with the maid. Then after graduation I left and came here. I got a few phone calls afterwards but then they stopped and now I just wish…I just wish she would have known that I loved her." She began to sob quietly and Angel wrapped his arms around her once again as her friends watched with sorrow.

"She knows you loved her." 

Cordelia lifted up her head to meet his eyes. "You think?"

"I'm the Dark Avenger, I don't think I know." Cordelia let out a chuckle and Angel smiled. He cupped her face in his hands and placed a tender kiss on her forehead. Cordelia sighed and placed her forehead on his. She now knew what Angel was feeling when Buffy died. Numb.                   ************************************************                                        TBC! Sorry it took me so long with this one. I was on vacation and then my dad was emitted to the hospital. I have one more chapter left so look for that hopefully really soon. I would have put it with this one but I thought it was already kinda long. So the last one is kinda like an epilogue. 

~Michele~


	4. Ending Note

Title: Numb  
  
Summary: Cordelia tries to comfort Angel in his time of grief after he finds out about Buffy's death. But the tables are turned when someone else dies.  
  
Feedback: Does a body good!  
  
Disclaimer: Been there, done that and still nothing's mine. ******************************************************************  
  
I know I had said that there would be another chapter but I've decided to end it with 3 chapters. I had an epilogue to end it with but when my computer crashed I lost all my stories and now I have no thoughts on how to end it. If I somehow by a miracle get my stories back or find them on a disk or something I'll finish it but until then I've decided to end it here. I read through it and saw that the way the story ended last chapter was ok with me and I hope it was ok for you.  
  
Thank you to those of you who reviewed and I have so many more story ideas in the works. Once I get my computer fixed look forward for more. I have an unfinished story now called 'A Spiritual Weekend' but again since my computer crashed it's on hiatus. I hope to pick that one up as well. Thanks again to those who reviewed, your the best.  
  
I hope everyone has a safe and happy hoilday season.  
  
Happy Holidays  
  
~Michele~ 


End file.
